Maximum affection
May 31st, 2007 by daddydaddy
I had the good fortune to see Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, at an event recently. He was receiving an honorary doctorate from a local college and I was an unlikely recipient of a ticket. A friend of mine — who, unlike myself, has actually practiced Buddhism — said, upon hearing this: “I pulled every possible string and pressed every Buddhist connection I have. How did you manage to do that?”
“Karma?”
He didn’t think that was funny.
I wondered on my way to the event: What makes this man, the Dalai Lama, so special? Will I leave there with wisdom? Will I become a Buddhist? Will I finally find enlightenment?
It’s not every day you have an opportunity to be in the same room with a religious and world leader, after all.
Sam and Sylvie wanted to know why I was leaving so early in the morning to see a dolly.
I did my best to explain: He’s not a dolly, he’s a very respected and wise man who was chosen to lead his people when he was just two years old. Younger than Sylvie! Can you imagine?
The event was crowded. There were endless lines for the bathrooms. I waited restlessly next to a big monk in burgundy robes who couldn’t stop coughing and I thought: surely one who has found enlightenment would not cough so. He would be at peace with his body. This must be a fledgling monk. A little stripling.
There was a great deal of pomp and loads of circumstance, with college presidents and Tibetan community leaders and professors of eastern religion and philosophy. There were video cameras and JumboTron-like screens.
And then there was this little man, who projected warmth and humility. And mischief.
Amid all the rigmarole and formality, the Dalai Lama hardly ever stopped smiling. He pulled the professor’s beard. He giggled when a group of children sang for him.
And then a question was posed to him: How do we raise our children to know wisdom, peace, and compassion?
He paused for a moment, this coming on the heels of questions concerning world peace and the relationship between science and religion, and then he said with a laugh: “You’re asking the wrong person!” For a moment, the huge audience was silent. What did he mean? Doesn’t he have all the answers? But he’s the Dalai Lama, and in an instant all was revealed: “First, let me get married, have some children, and gain some wisdom. Then I can answer!”
The crowd erupted with laughter and the little monk beamed. And then he became serious.
“As I have said before,” he began, “the key to all of this begins very early. So you must show your children maximum affection. Maximum affection.”
Yes, I thought. I like that. Maximum affection. It’s not as if I don’t show them this already, but now I know the Dalai Lama said I should. Somehow, that makes it even sweeter. I may not find enlightenment, but perhaps, if I hug enough, I can set them on the right path. Either way, it will feel great.
What a super story! I am so glad I “happened” upon it.
Thank you for sharing what I already knew, but needed to hear.
I feel like a better mommy already!
xo
Leslie
[...] but I found a particular posting there really inspiring. I am glad to repost it and drop a link to The Daddy Factory. I had the good fortune to see Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, at an event recently. He was [...]
Wow, what a great post. I really enjoy your blog here, truly inspiring from one dad to another! Good luck and keep on with being a shining light in your children’s lives!
ps. I reposted this article and gave a link to your site on my blog, hope you don’t mind!
Wow, they always say “god shows up right on time” & your article was delivered into my daily mailing from beliefnet.com. See, i’m not the dad but I’m the mom..a single mom which makes me, at times, mom AND dad. (my son is 14 and his dad IS very much still a part of his life – on weekends and via phone BUT I get the everyday to day trials, frustrations etc)
Yesterday I found myself lying in bed questioning my parenting skills. See, the prior night I was speaking to a lady next to me in the bar about how i felt bad because i love him but at times I dont “like” him…not due to him being a bad kid,.. just we now have NOTHING in common. We dont like the same music , t.v. shows etc. All he wants to do is borrow my phone to call his girlfriend. And the big “topper” for this lady to hear was I had No urge to hug my son. Sure i do when he’s heading off for the weekend or is sick but just a daily hug..thats a little hard after you’ve finished yelling about chores for the umpteenth time. I tried explaining that I didnt come from a very “affectionate” family and hugging any1 besides my boyfriend is weird to me. So i came home, attempted to phone allll my mom friends to run this past them. Nobody answered, all still asleep probably. So then i figured i’d just check my Email and get on with my day when i saw the title about the Dalai & fatherhood. I couldnt resist reading. Then there was the answer right there. HUGS ..again with the “hugs” but his deliverance was so much easier to swallow. See, the stranger was correct in her thinking as far as this is something I needed to work on and address BUT I didnt feel so bad reading it from the Dalai. Maybe because it came from a male addressing all dads, and OFTEN i feel more of the father than the mother role. You know that role of providing, fighting rush hour traffic, repairing house, car repairs etc. I’m a general laborer and 2nd job is bartender, so I do it ALL and by myself. THEN i get to come home clean , cook etc. So hearing something addressed to fathers seem to hit home. Even though we are overworked, stressed out detached beings , we must still TRY to connect emotionally with our kids…and perhaps hugging is a simple start and gesture that we can make to strengthen an unfamiliar emotion for us “dads” -displays of affection. Thanks for your time.
Sincerely, Trina
I was very glad I stumbled upon your story. Thank you for posting this. I am a father/parent myself. Karma!? Yes! Why not!?
I came across your blog via BeliefNet, and am so glad I did! What a wonderful story about hearing the Dalai Lama. “Maximum Affection” is exactly right!
I am so glad to have come across your blog…I’m an eldest daughter…still has my mom, but lost my dad 12 years ago…I felt like being a “dad” sometimes, because I’m the one raising my brothers side-by-side with my mom. I used to be so stern, and I would drive them away. But when I realized to use ‘affection’ towards them, that’s when things went right.